I worry constantly about whether or not character relationships in my stories come off as genuine. I worry my characters' relationships develop so quickly, they leave my readers in the dust wondering "and why are they friends again?"
I don't think I'm the only one.
Every writer wants their readers to care not only about their characters as individuals, but about the connections between those individuals. We want to hear that they ship two characters, or that the fight between those two friends broke their heart. We want them to obsess over the slightest touch of two characters' hands.
Characters don't necessarily need to share the same interests to be compatible. A romantic partner doesn't need to be described as the most attractive person in all of existence. It's something else entirely that makes character relationships believable, relatable, and, well, shippable.
There’s an adorable quote from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone that gets at this concept in somewhat silly terms:
There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.
And why is it that knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll together a moment that can cement a relationship?
Real, lasting bonds are formed by acts of support in moments of vulnerability.
The more two characters expose vulnerabilities to each other and the more they support each other in those moments, the stronger their relationship will be.
During the troll fighting incident in Harry Potter, Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s lives are all in danger (vulnerability) and they each play a role in getting one another out of danger (support.) This example works particularly well because there’s an equilibrium of support and vulnerability. There may be a bond between two people when one person is doing all of the supporting, but it won’t be a healthy one.
Of course, moments of vulnerability don’t have to be life threatening. They can be moments of emotional vulnerability. For example, if person A performs in a dance recital for the first time ever (vulnerability) and person B comes to watch them (support).
As humans, we don’t like to expose our vulnerabilities to people with whom we don’t already have a strong bond. When starting out a relationship, these moments are usually out of the person’s control.
For example, person A walks into a crowded classroom for the first time, looking for an empty seat, and person B takes pity and moves their backpack from the seat next to them onto the floor, freeing a place for person A.
After class, person B spills the entire contents of their backpack onto the floor and person A helps pick everything up.
These two moments won’t make person A and person B instantly friends. Bigger moments strength bonds quicker than smaller ones, but the more we support people and the more we expose ourselves to them, the greater our bonds grow. The stronger the bonds, the more likely we are to willingly expose our vulnerabilities to people and purposefully deepen the relationship.
Characters with similar backgrounds, similar interests, etc. may be more likely to support each other in moments of vulnerability, as they're more able to empathize with each other, but what truly matters is not the shared life experiences, but the support they give each other.
IF YOU’RE WRITING A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WANT IT TO BE SOMETHING BUILT ON SOLID FOUNDATIONS THAT YOUR READERS CAN SUPPORT, YOU’LL WANT TO SHOW THESE MOMENTS OF VULNERABILITY AND SUPPORT.
Start small, with moments of vulnerability that are accidental or forced. As the bonds grow stronger, let the characters purposefully initiate the moments, signaling trust and comfort in the relationship. Level One is moving a backpack and freeing up a seat. Level Ten might be fighting a mountain troll together. Level Twenty is handing someone a ticket to your first ever dance recital.
As for characters who would die for one another…
Your characters should all have driving motivations. The best way to build strong relationships in your writing is to show your characters supporting each other in those specific efforts.
You can also show extremely strong bonds by showing moments of support that come at a cost to the person offering it. Person B goes to Person A’s dance recital, but skips out on a date to do so.
HOW TO MANIPULATE THIS CONCEPT TO CREATE COMPLEX RELATIONSHIPS
Just because the foundation for a relationship is there doesn’t mean the characters have to act like it is.
A perfect relationship is boring to read about.
Support doesn’t have to be given or received kindly. Especially in those first stages of the relationship. Person B can be grumpy and resentful of having to give up their extra seat to person A, and they might not want to accept person A’s help when person A helps them pick up the contents of their spilled backpack. Even once a person admits to themselves that they like the other person, two people who openly care about each other can still bicker and squabble and disagree. Supporting each other when it counts in no way precludes that.
There can be misunderstandings. Person A can think Person B is being sarcastic about their support. Or Person B can offer support secretly, and Person A only discovers it long after the fact, even possibly after confronting Person B about their lack of support. Person A can be wrong about the sort of support they need, and mad at Person B for giving them a form of support a reader recognizes as much better for Person A ("You mean you won't support me unconditionally, even when I'm being terrible, but are trying to facilitate my growth as a person?!?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!").
Additionally, you can have characters fail to support each other in moments of vulnerability. Explore the consequences of those decisions. This can either be a turning point in a relationship, where characters start turning on each other for good, or an opportunity for deeper honesty and understanding amongst your characters when they confront each other about what's happened. Your characters are human, and humans fail each other from time to time.
I know I just turned character relationships into a complex math problem with about a dozen variables, but my AP Calculus teacher promised math would come in handy in real-life, and I guess we'll both just have to trust him.
I hope this helps you create amazing character relationships, of all sorts.